My therapist has a way of saying things that hit hard like a punch. Our interactions have often left me breathless and, at the same time, provided me with the fuel to make deep shifts within myself. The other day, during a session, my therapist called to my attention that I lacked spaces in my life where I can feel whole. “You can’t be whole anywhere,” she said. “Do you know of any places that can hold you?”
The dictionary describes wholeness as the quality of being or feeling complete. All of the Black femmes I know who were raised by southern women have been taught to be of service to others. We’ve all learned to sacrifice parts of who we are to make people comfortable. We’ve heard our grandmas’ bellies growl while fixing food for everyone in the house and choosing to eat their plates last. We’ve watched our aunties spend hours on their feets cooking and when told to rest, refused. And we saw our mothers be everything to everyone and not carve out time to be good to themselves. Sacrificing our well-being has been passed around to us like paper plates at a cookout.
Where in our busy schedules do we create time to unlearn our self-sacrificing patterns? How do we find a space to hold all of the parts of ourselves? And When do we prioritize ourselves and our wholeness while managing all of our responsibilities? It is in the season of the sign Aries where we can create space to show up as our whole ass selves. The energy of this season can hold all that we are and all that we can become. We can give ourselves the permission to be whole during this time.
Aries is lighting our way to ourselves
The sign of Aries, also known as the Ram, is naturally geared to charge towards what they need. Ruled by the element of fire, Aries season sparks a flame inside of all of us to go explore what it means to be ourselves. Even if the path to understanding who we are isn’t clear, the energy of this sign lights the way to starting a deep relationship with ourselves. The season makes way for us to figure out how to be whole.
In an interview with Zora, pleasure activist adrienne maree brown talks about unlearning the pattern of martyrdom, the act of self-sacrifice and service to others at your own expense.
“we have to unlearn the idea that we have to earn pleasure. That we have to earn the right to rest. That we have to earn the right to be desired, to be loved, to be seen. That someone else has to give us permission to feel good,” said brown.
Aries season starts March 21 and ends April 19. The energy of the Ram opens up our heart to move in the ways that feel true to ourselves and not in ways that deplete our energy. Aries don’t have to try to prove a damn thing to anyone, they are who they are. Aries is considered the first sign of the zodiac and ruler of the head. This sign helps us set the tone of who we are and can be. They help lead us into feeling good without permission.
Embody who you are
There is something deeply captivating about the way an Aries shows up in a space. The Ram is one of four signs that are cardinal. Cardinal signs are the leaders of the zodiac. Embodying or leading into the energy of Aries means giving yourself permission to be your whole self.
Have you ever witnessed the magic of a Black danceline at a HBCU? When Black majorettes enter the scene, you’re gonna stop and pay attention. From the soft sway of their hips as they march towards their destination to the way they effortlessly glide their bodies to the sounds bursting out of the band, this is an embodiment of the energy of Aries. This is an energy that is deeply magnetic and enchanting.
The very wise Myleik Teele said, “be so unapologetically yourself that people know if they’re a fit for your world pretty quickly.” We can use the energy of the season of Aries to unlearn the behavior of sacrificing parts of ourselves to show up for others. In Aries season, we can lean into the truth of who we are. We can show up completely ourselves and unapologetically give ourselves permission to be whole.
Your relationship with yourself is in need of restoring dear Aries. You’ve been pouring so much of your energy into other projects and people and now it is time to water yourself. Stop pretending that everything is okay! Now is the time to have that hard conversation. Now is the time to stop ignoring what you really feel. The more you hold back what your emotions dear Aries, the more you show up in spaces not as yourself. The people around you do not deserve to be treated harshly. Take a second to be honest.
What’s more important? The image of a good life or having a good life? You might have set some high expectations around who you feel like you are supposed to be in this moment. But is this version of yourself really who you are? And also do you ACTUALLY have the capacity to be the person you are pressuring yourself to be in this moment? What do you actually need right now Taurus? Is it to be a leader in the space or is it to sit, rest and allow yourself to actually learn more about what you think you already should know.
Pay close attention to who people are. Watch how they show up in spaces, how they show up for the people in their life, and especially watch how they show up for you. Your vision of them may be influenced by your desire to save. You want the time you spent being in a relationship with them to account for something. Are you showing up as a parent when someone is not your child? Why are you doing that? Is this relationship watering you?
Sweet Cancer, you’ve created barriers instead of safe spaces to be whole. You did what you had to do to protect your heart while you were healing. However, now is the time to open up space for new experiences. Now is the time to try again, sweet soul. I understand, you did what you needed for the moment but you can’t hide forever behind the walls you built.
Steering yourself away from anything too emotionally heavy is not contributing to your growth and understanding. To learn how to show up better in relationships takes you being willing to be vulnerable. These surface level friendships keep you safe, but are they filling you up with substance?They don’t. If you want to bring into your life more fulfilling relationships, you first have to be honest with yourself about the ways you’ve shown up for people in the past.
Your words not matching your actions and your actions not matching your words? Why is that sweet Virgo? Have you abandoned yourself and replaced who you are with who people need you to be? In the attempt to make life easier on the people around you, you have actually made things harder for yourself. There is strength in admitting you have too much on your plate.
To begin to understand what you need you must first acknowledge your emotions. All of the things you are feeling are your guide to understand what you need. When heaviness shows up, ask it why is it here. When you feel so full of joy you can burst, look at what is happening. Our emotions teach us who we are. Spend time journaling what’s coming up for you throughout your day. This will help you understand why you feel the way you do.
You are already where you need to be at sweet scorpio. Whatever path you’ve been walking on is that direction you are being led to go in. Pay attention to your mind when it wanders because it’s leading you towards the answer you seek. Your thoughts have been buzzing with ideas to help you figure out a plan. The solution is to trust yourself and let go of the fear that you don’t know what’s best. You do know what’s best for you. Own the choice you made and watch how easier things get.
Honesty is the best protective work. With honesty, no one has to assume how you feel. The truth frees you. It protects you from being in a cycle of pleasing people. It allows you to exist as yourself and not as anything else. Be the truth-teller in this situation Sagittarius. The only way for you to expand, is for you to be honest about how things are going. Your words are powerful in this season. Seek to be honest and tell people where you stand.
You are overdue for alone time. You are amazing when it comes to juggling and handling your million projects and responsibility but lately those things have become a distraction. You are avoiding diving deep into your inner world. You need to sit down and deal with what you’ve been putting off. It’s time to have those difficult conversations with those people in your life. You can’t continue to move along without dealing with what’s been feeling heavy. Make your life lighter.
Closed mouths don’t get fed aquarius. Your delays exist because you aren’t asking for what you need. The people who love and support you will show up for you but you have to be willing to be vulnerable about what you need. You’ve been hoping and wishing for things to magically get better. Let me tell you how this gets better! You have to be brave enough to say what needs to be said. You have to remind yourself that you deserve the things you wish for. You are worthy of love and support but you gotta be honest.
What makes you powerful is the same thing that drains you. You have the ability to show and share love but if you aren’t being poured back into sweet Pisces, then the relationship is not reciprocal. Call your power back to yourself and stop maintaining relationships that just take from you. You’ve been spending too much time in spaces that don’t support you. Ask yourself why! What part of yourself believes that you can’t be in harmony with other people? Why are you leaning into unbalanced situations? Showing how much you can give to people without them giving back isn’t a part of your story. End the chapter.
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